"..wait till the smoke settle...."

29th september 2005(abah's office.demmit flat screen sey)

what a way to start my day...

i got up my usual time....heheh..blur lost dizzy horny....all as usual...
went to office..
bought my breakfast
(which will either be half in my stomach half in the bin....or stacked wit other leftovers in my cupboard till it turns green.....muahahahahaah)..
walkin to that darn mechine to punch in...thinkin ..mmm just another day of typing, cursing, screaming....

then someOne came towards me ....n told me...."evacuate ...evacuate the building...." (well nothing dramatic like some one screaming or anything like that....)...she then lead me to the lobby....n there it was...half of the staffs of parcel E7 was out there....some wit files, others wit bags...me...well wit my milo ais (bungkus) n kariPau.....all looking up....smoke came out like no other business on the 10th floor....

at that moment there was only one team of fireFighters....but they havnt seem to b doin anything yet..besides askin eOne to leave the building.....at first it felt like a field trip....met chineseBro n NottyHobbit n had our usual laughs...(thinkin that this could be a sabotage...or someOne tried to kill himself....)we even planned to go shopping...or was it watching a movie dear chineseBro..(gila ka!!...heheeh)

then....by almost noon....freeFood!!!...wohooooo...bottles n bottles of water...n more sugar-till-u-get diebetic kuihs...n....yes ...pauKari....(demmit)....then there was more wait wait wait...n wait...more teams came.....the police....the media....yep...field trip...

then noon actually came...by then i was restLess...even wanted to take of anythng on me...(well of course not in front of them fireMen...something else might get on fire...ahahahahaha)..

finally we can go home.....yeay.....definiteLy no mood to do or say anythin else..but go home....tempted to reez's LunchInvie....(mmmmmmmph).....but i miss my abah all of a sudden....and so i went to his place, had lunch n told him the whole situaiton....he just laughed...n kept on laughing......

mayb that's why i'm still laughing about my day.....hehehehe..
maybe that's why i actually finished my breakfast...
mayb that's why i had to type....
that and to also update JK on whts goin here (besides denggi dear.....)....
!( " ,)Cheers?!

currycurry

ingini........

27th September 2005

terpeluk erat hati ini....
seperti malam yang serupa lagi...
mata tertutup rapat ini...
hanya dikau yang ingin dtemui...

kaki ini ingin berlari..
biar bejuta tidak terperi...
aku ingin bebas menyayangi..
tapi bukan ini yg mereka ingini...

hati ini ingin dibaluti...
oleh rasa sayang sejati...
tiba senja penat menanti....
rasa pedih pula dirasai....

aku terus mahu menikmati...
dakapan indah seperti malam ini...
berkhayal aku ingin ke mati...
tapi sementara yg hanya dikecapi...

malam telah lewat lagi...
hati ini mengharap lagi...
malam telah sudah pergi...
dikau masih tidak muncul lagi...........

p/s: mengapa sayang dan rindu.....hadir pada masa yg tidak disangka....dan seperti waktunya itu ..harus pergi ...
pada masa yang tidak diduga...
mengapa cinta yang terindah dan terhebat pernah dirasai...
perlu dirasai untuk kadar sementara aja?

mengapa sayang perlu hadir pada tempat yang salah...
mengapa aku begitu bodoh memamahnya.....
cinta itu buta?...
atau cinta itu membutakan?
sudah tidak ada jalan selesaian yang lain kah wahai budak bodoh.....
.sudah tidak nampak kah busuk dan bernanahnya hati sesetengah nya itu....
hanya kerna sayang?..
apakah terdaya lagi untuk bersedih dan berhiba....
atas kejadian yang berlaku...atas kerapuhan harapan ini?..
mungkin aku menumpang kasih pada tempat yang salah ..terlalu lama...
hingga aku tidak tahu....pada mana lagi yang harus aku pergi..
pada siapa lagi harus aku percayai?....


(padaMu ya Allah....
berlutut kan bumi....bertadah pada langitMu...
padaMu ya Allah.....
hanya Kamu sahaja yang bisa memahami...
apa yang aku ingini...
yang aku perlui...
atas apa yang harus aku lalui...
aku redha ya Allah.....aku redha......)

currycurry

truthFul tears of mine

18 September 2005
(yep...still at the office..piff piff piff)

ever had that moment..
when u look in the mirror..
n u just had to cry it all out....

sometimes that happends to me...
sometimes i just cry then look at myself in the mirror...
just to see how pathethic i look...
or how lost looks alike...
just crying n waiting for someOne to save me...

ever had that moment...
when u look in the window...
n u just had to cry it all out...

sometimes that happends to me...
sometimes i feel so pathethic...
i dunt feel like even goin out in the sun..
more or less hope for another u to come...

ever had that moment...
when u tightLy held on some pillow...
n u just had to cry it all out...

sometimes that happends to me...
i whisper so badLy for an answer...
i shut my eyes tight...n hope iLL pass this nite...
just like every other moonLite...

ever had that moment....
when u wish someOne would stay...
but u just had to cry it all out...

sometimes that happends to me...
when no answers is heard as i called out ure name...
or that happy ending that i want so badLy...
but i only dare to dream just to stay healthy....

ever had that moment...
where u look at ure past...
n uve seen how things go so fast...
n u just had to cry it all out...

sometimes that happends to me...
i look at old pics n wish id just stayed there...

wish id never have to grow any older...
wish id could just stay n never change.
wish eThing around me does the same...
wishin wishin n continue wishin........

ah hell...
its just tears...
nothing but
truthful tears of mine.....

cheers!

siapala aku

18 September 2005
(sunday at the office..piff)


terbuka mataku...setelah lama tertidur kaku....tersentak nafasku..melihat ada putih menyelubungiku...tidak ku mengerti....apa yang sedang aku alami....terlantar pada putih ini...seperti sudah tiada lagi....

terbuka hatiku....setelah lama tertutup sepi....tersentak angan angan ku ini...melihat putih menyelebungiku lagi....tidak ku fahami....penghujung jalanKah arah ini....rasa seperti bukan laluan nan sepi...

terbuka kata hati...setelah lama terselindung rapi....tergamam mata ini...melihat putih di hadapan ini...

tapi silap pula pandangan ini...ini bukan seperti putih itu lagi...tetapi sudah tercemar mati....sudah jadi kotor hanyir...sudah jadi busuk hati....sudak tidak serupa lagi...

terbuka sudah pintu itu...terbuka seperti sentiasa lalu...tidak jemu untuk menunggu...tidak jemu untuk menerima aku....sesalan terasa begitu dekat padaku....tetapi kadangkala tergapai tangan ku ini...kuat aku ingin mencapainya....aku ingin pulang ke jalanMu..

tapi...
siapala aku...
apa bedanya aku...
apa lebihnya aku..
aku sama sahaja..
aku berdosa padaMu..
aku lalai jauh dariMu
terusan berdosa padaMu....
hingga bila aku tak tahu...
hingga mana aku belum tahu...
sering sesat seperti saat itu...
sering bertanya bertalu-talu...
sering hilang di awangan itu...

siapala aku....?

p/s:.this is dedicated to my endLess thoughts of things that seems to cross my mind lateLy....
i look at myself constantLy n smile at all the stupid decisions ive made...n still wonderin why it all dont make sense....piff


cheers.

Happy Birthday to Moi

It's been some time since I updated my blog - I havent even started putting up my thoughts on being a dad (last June)! guess that'l wait.

It's my birthday today - so it's adios to the Twenties! and welcome to the Thirties (yikes!). Can't say I feel old, as I have a high pitched voice (!). What I'd like to do today is post some SMS/well wishes I got from wellwishers since midnight last nite!

1st honour goes to my wife (of course) but it would have been silly to SMS her hubby in bed right? :-)

next, my brother firhan sent this : "Haaaaapppyyy birthddaaaaayyy fooool"
comment : I think the fool here is himself!! hahah he'll be going to a dark corner of Asia soon - so all I can say is - Dont go sticking your w*lly in places it dont belong in!!

driving to work, Mum gave me a call : She offered to take us out to dinner at a fancy restaurant (Dad's overseas - he'll miss his steak...)
comment : thats so sweet ! Guess I'll order the lobster then!

Shortly after, Dad sends his wishes from China : "Happy Birthday to U, Be a good father, Do Pray to Allah for all the Good things given to U"
comment : I just HAD to reply, so with one hand on the steering wheel, I _expertly_ sms'd this back : Thanks ba, for ur blessings and support. Ur a great dad to have, and I hope I can b the same to junior (aauuww - shucks was that cute or what!!?)

putting my camera bag down in the office (will explain later) I got an sms from an old school friend, Nazlin : "Dear Ezal, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I wish u a wonderful life and dimurahkan rezeki. So how does it feel 2b no longer in the 20s? :-) Anyway have a good day! p.s. Isn't it interesting and wonderful co-incidence that I have 3 friends celebrating their b/day today?
comment : haha - guess 0809 (8 september) is an 'ong'/lucky number to have because I know a total of 6 people who share my birthday!!

Then a colleague, Kent sent in this cryptic message : Happy birthday, bro
comment : Thanks Kent...! :-)

Now even my lil sister Farah's also in the act : "Epy burfday. ada meetng. Later."
comment : o.k. haha

Another colleague, Julika , attending a meeting outside sent in this : "happy bday good looking! may Allah bless u with all that u wish for..insyaallah."
comment : nice one, guess becoming 30's not that shabby ..

..so thats what I got till about 11am today - guess I'm still remembered (haha or all the free birthday alarms available on the web helped too!)

p/s just barely remembered the reference to the cam bag - going pre-surprise shopping spree for a new camera bag (my wife and siblings are supposed to surprise me with it) but being a practical person - I might as well bring my camera bag and test some candidate bags during lunch!

ku rasa angin segar...

6 september 2005

selalunya aku kelabu...
selalunya aku berteduh...
pada semua yang gusar...
hingga aku rasa angin segar...

bertalu aku bersedih...
mengenang kisah pedih...
tidak ku jangka mendung di luar..
menjemput rasa suatu angin segar...

walau telah berhenti berharap...
walau kenangan yg tinggal ditatap..
seperti seharum si bunga mawar...
ku rasa ikhlas si angin segar...

angin segar dari perak rupanya...
terima kasih........ sayang
*winkWink*

KuasaMu Katrina

5th September 2005

kau hadir di sana..
kau hadir sedia mara...
kau hadir terus membara..
kau hancur semua wahai katrina...

kau bangkit dari gerhana....
kau redah segala belantara..
kau tunjukkan segar pada dunia...
amerika juga hanya senegara...

kau berlalu bersama berita...
semua gusar akan bencana...
jari munuding dipanggil penderhaka..
negara sendiri terbiar terseksa...

lain bencana lain pula rupanya..
pertolongan pula datang dengan seksa..
wanita dibunuh lelaki pun sama..
berlaku seksa seperti jajahnya...

dunia tersenyum melihat indahnya...
sebuah veto yg kerdil akhirnya..
dunia tergelak sendawa bersama...
kini negaramu gundah gulana...

teringat pula pandai tupai kisahnya...
teringat pula bijak kancil akhirnya...
tuhan membuka segala mata...
melalui tuah kuasamu KATRINA..............

cheers(?)

saat aku lepas kasihku....

2 September 2005

semalam aku bermimpi lagi...
semalam aku berhenti berlari...
tersentak aku teringat kembali..
saat tika kau berlalu pergi...

semalam aku risau lagi...
terkenang peristiwa menghantui lagi...
tersentak seketika nafas terhenti...
teringat pula saat benci ini...

semalam aku tersedak lagi...
teringat kata-kata luahan hati...
terhenti seketika terkenang kata hati..
pertama kali kau kata semua ini...

semalam aku terkenang lagi..
teringat masa dikau di hati...
dunia bagai disalut embun pagi..
dan kau pula pahlawan hati ini...

semalam aku tersenyum sendiri..
teringat kata rindu penawar hati..
muncul siDia pembunuh rasa ini..
terkenang pula rasa untuk pergi...

semalam aku bergantung menyendiri..
teringat kata aku harus bawa pergi...
dustakah dikau tika kau berkata ini....

aku tidak pernah mau mencintaimu

semalam aku peluk erat hati ini...
tidak mahu aku dilukai lagi..
tidak mungkin aku berpaling lagi...
setelah saat ku lepas kasihku ini..

semalam aku bermimpi lagi..................

p/s: its not about not getting over the one i onced truLy loved. its getting over those water-coloured memories that keeps on popping in my mind.
i really hope it'LL stop..i really do....
i want to pack it all up and throw in the deep blue ocean.....

all i need now is the strength to do so.

cheers!